Logo: Police, Crime & 999


"A picture's worth a thousand words..."

Alas, there are no photos in the books... but if you're interested, this is some of the people and places from the books.

Image: Glasses

Me, trying to look intelligent. Out-take from the NiCKED magazine photo session.

Image: Naked Girls Reading

The lovely Scarlett Jezebel of Naked Girls Reading did a naked reading of my book on stage in Tasmania as part of their Crime & Punishment season.

Image: Sheriff

A Sheriffs department in Canada starting off their day with a briefing about Police, Arrests & Suspects

Image: Simon and...

From Police, Crime & 999 - if you put your thumb over Paul Simon's face, it looks like Garfunkel has a Cossack style moustache

Image: Sgt Marrow

From Police, Lies & Alibis - Sgt Marrow ...the best Sgt I've had.

Image: Fire incident

From Police, Lies & Alibis - How the incident was reported in the local press, after we saved a family of 7 on Christmas Eve from a house fire.

Image: Barney

Barney - my black labrador - who features in all three books, but stars in Shakespeare My Butt!


John and Barney - Police, Crime & 999

Image: Judge Hall

It's crossed over the pond...Judge Hall from Tennessee presenting copies of the book to his favourite officers

Image: Chief of Police

Tennessee Police Chief Larry Goodwin with Police, Crime & 999

Shakespeare My Butt!

Image: Flyer

Image: The Marsupial Elvis

The Marsupial Elvis - a Thylacine - that started the whole adventure off

Image: Where's Johnny?

Soldier X - the military years

Image: RMP


Whilst Barney was slowly indoctrinated into behaving via my patented 'TEN COMMANDMENTS OF DOG', other less open-minded dogs tried to sabotage the whole process.


Image: Twatt

Some of the places on 'The Place Odyssey' include such places as TWATT

Image: Wetwang

WETWANG (twinned with Twatt)

Image: Shitter

SHITTER (plus Barney the other shitter)

Image: Pity Me

PITY ME (See what I did there? I'm looking sad and pitiful. Awww, forget it)

Image: Gobblers Knob

GOBBLER'S KNOB (No, I don't know who she is. She just waits around looking hopeful)

Image: Crackpot

CRACKPOT (complete with Barney poking out his tongue and Barry the mask)

Image: No place

...and of course ...NO PLACE

Image: Me and the bloke from the Cure

Me and the bloke from the Cure?

Image: SMB HQ

Me and Claire. A post mantlepiecing moment.

Image: Blubberhouses

I said it didn't exist ...but they found it and proved me wrong! Curse them!

Image: Intercourse

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